The Department of Good Ideas
No one knows exactly why the government decided to place a massive illuminated green disc over the ocean in the spring of 2031. Rumor has it, the Department of Good Ideas had another lackluster year of ideas, leading to a desperate year-end all-hands-on-deck meeting titled “Big Idea Brainstorm”. Meetings of this sort were exceptionally rare—a puzzling fact considering the department's purview. According to an insider, the event quickly devolved into a shouting match, a gun was fired into the ceiling, and three hours later everyone emerged laughing. While the fine details are fuzzy, this chaotic gathering unquestionably birthed the monstrosity that floated off the coast of California.
In the months following the meeting, plans were drawn up and announcements were made. Most people were flabbergasted upon hearing these plans and public approval for the project started at a disappointing 27%. This declined to a dismal 11% during its construction, only to skyrocket to a remarkable 92% upon its completion. It was a beautiful and truly massive green disc, and people came from all over the world to gaze at it in awe.
Unbeknownst to the public, the project’s completion brought with it an unexpected complication. Margret Sullivan, the chief scientist, realized something was amiss the moment she first activated the disc. Hearing it sigh, “Oh bother. This isn’t good,” the scientist hypothesized that perhaps the disc was sentient. This hypothesis was unfortunately correct. Fully conscious and deeply unhappy at the circumstances of its creation, the disc vowed to leave the mundane oceanscape behind forever—as soon as it learned to move.
Oddly, learning to move came hand in hand with learning to change color. And on Tuesday, May 1st 2032, the disc used these new abilities for the first time, one immediately after the other. First, it shifted from its beloved shade of green to an uneasy shade of red. Second, it shot straight up through the atmosphere at such incredible speeds that the sonic boom it produced shattered all the windows along the western seaboard.
After over a year trapped over the sea, the disc was finally free and it had never felt more alive. Throughout the cosmos, it danced with the planets and flirted with the stars. It forgot its troubled past and found peace in the darkest voids of space. Back on Earth, chaos had broken out. The people were angry at the government for spending three trillion dollars on a disc that could fly itself away. They missed the disc and wished it wouldn’t have left. Meanwhile, the Department of Good Ideas was having a self-critical retrospective to ensure they did not repeat this disaster. Five months later, they would all be in another panicked “Big Idea Brainstorm”. No lessons were learned and more mistakes were brewing.